February 26, 2021
Unlocking Your Ability to Heal:
Reinvent Your World to Transform Mentally, Physically, and Spiritually
Tiffani Patlán
Aviva Publishing (2021)
ISBN: 978-63618-038-0
Homeless Teen’s Story of Dysfunction Offers Hope for Healing to Others
Tiffani Patlán’s new book, Unlocking Your Ability to Heal: Reinvent Your World to Transform Mentally, Physically, and Spiritually, is more than just a personal memoir about overcoming obstacles. It’s a well-researched and easy-to-read look into all the topics that affect people’s mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing, and it offers practical advice and strategies, based on research and Tiffani’s personal experiences, to move past whatever problems you may be facing.
I won’t go into detail about Tiffani’s story, as heart-wrenching and entertaining as it can be at times. But I will highlight some of the powerful information in these pages. I will also say that at times I was astonished by some of the bad decisions Tiffani made, especially in regards to her relationships with men, but her youth and a childhood filled with dysfunction, plus an inability to find her voice to speak up for herself, largely due to being raped by family members, makes her story understandable.
It would be easy today for Tiffani to see herself as a victim, and at times she was one, but she is not interested in playing the victim. She is interested in these pages in exploring her journey to provide meaning and guidance for others. She also deftly points out many of the underlying causes of the problems in her life. She acknowledges, although she did not realize it until well into adulthood, that she was suffering from mental illness and also that she was the victim of her mother’s undiagnosed mental illness, which caused a lot of the dysfunction in her family. She discusses how family problems can be passed down from one generation to the next. She states: “During my transformational healing journey, I learned about several things. One was transgenerational or intergenerational trauma, a psychological term that asserts trauma can be transferred between generations. I learned I had been born into something beyond my realm. I was told I was born into pending doom. Apparently, I had been carrying serious feelings of shame from my mother’s side of the family.”
I sympathized with Tiffani a lot because of the anxiety disorder she suffered from—anxiety brought on largely from family trauma, chaos, and a failure to feel safe. Since I have some mild anxiety myself, I valued her advice on how to cope with it. She also makes an excellent point about anxiety and how it relates to family dysfunction when she states, “to many, drama is comforting; it’s what they have experienced the majority of their lives, and the thought of losing that fabricated comfort is scary. That fear can be amplified for those who suffer from anxiety disorders.”
Most importantly, Tiffani is grateful for her journey. Her parents were neglectful of her when she was younger, but she does not blame them. She states, “I realized why my parents made the choices they did. They did the best they could with the tools and knowledge they had at the time. I choose to appreciate the fact that, through all the drama that ensued, my parents indirectly taught me how to be a better mother, and for that, I am forever grateful.”
I also appreciate the deep faith Tiffani has developed as a result of her experiences. She was often looking for love in all the wrong places and feeling she wasn’t loveable, based on how men used her for their sexual purposes and abandoned her or mistreated her in various ways. She was also mistreated by other women who were jealous of her. One of the most telling moments in the book was when she admitted, “I was starting to believe I was put on this earth only to please men. What else would my young, fourteen-year-old mind be thinking? Look at everything I had experienced. No one was ever around to protect me. I started believing I was cursed with beauty. I started to hate myself and the way I looked because it seemed like my looks invited men to freely sexually abuse me at every impulse.”
Her self-loathing made her feel unlovable, but in the end, she came to the conclusion: “I was never unloved. I have always had the love of my creator. I have always held the key to my own self-love. I do have a voice, and I do deserve to be heard. I am worthy.”
Ultimately, Tiffani also learned about the power of forgiveness, forgiving her parents and forgiving herself, and she came to the beautiful realization—words she closes her story with: “Sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.”
The book concludes with Tiffani having her happily ever after—okay, not really, but she did find a husband and now has a family, and while life is far from perfect, she is learning to do better than the previous generation and is teaching her children how to do better than she did. She also includes a section at the end of the book that focuses on body, mind, and soul, advocating for balance in these three areas of life and offering advice for the reader on everything from mental health practices to advice on supplements and nutrition and practices to increase self-love.
Unlocking Your Ability to Heal will provide hope to countless readers. I would especially recommend giving it to troubled teens or college-age students who might be experiencing their own crises. Her advice is always realistic and relevant. The book is honest and forthright, and can be the kind of friend someone might need to get their life back in order.
For more information about Tiffani Patlán and Unlocking Your Ability to Heal, visit www.UnlockingYourAbilityToHeal.com.
— Tyler R. Tichelaar, PhD and award-winning author of Narrow Lives and The Best Place
