January 4, 2024
The Truth Behind Excuses:
Underperformance Explained
Amara Emuwa
(2023)
ISBN: 979-8988632504
New Book Reveals Real Reasons People Make Excuses
In The Truth Behind Excuses: Underperformance Explained, Amara Emuwa, PhD and executive and leadership coach, takes a deep dive into the reasons people make excuses. The result is an eye-opening look at not only why we come up with excuses ourselves but why we put up with excuses from other people, from friends to coworkers, and how we can move past excuses to being more productive and more honest with each other.
Emuwa begins the book by describing a coaching experience she had. She had assigned reading to a group she was going to coach. None of the group members read the books, but they all had excuses for why they hadn’t. Emuwa was astonished by their failure to follow-through on the assignment. The experience led her to dig deeper into why people make excuses and how excuses result in underperformance in the workplace as well as in our personal lives. While I admit Emuwa’s conclusions, supported by extensive research by behavioral psychologists, are all logical, I had never really thought about what lay beneath the excuses people make. The cause is more than just being lazy or unreliable. Excuses are calculated to protect people’s self-image.
Emuwa discusses how we all want to make good impressions on other people. An excuse, which is usually not the true reason we fail to do something, is created to help us save face or retain that good impression. Emuwa explains that excuses are made to shift attention from the excuse maker to something outside themselves. For example, it is not the schoolchild’s fault they can’t turn in their homework; it is the fault of the dog who ate it. Going even deeper, excuses are not about a person’s inability to do something but about their emotional or mental issues and need for belonging. We may fail to do something not because we are unable to do it but because we fear if we try and fail at it, we will look bad; therefore, we don’t try at all and make an excuse for not doing it. The excuse allows us to preserve our self-esteem.
By shifting the focus to something else, the excuse may also shift the blame to another person. People might blame their upbringing and their parents for why they are not successful. They might blame God. They might even blame their bad luck or claim someone else who succeeds is just lucky; that way, it’s not their fault they don’t succeed; they are just unlucky. Such excuses are made because people are avoiding looking inward or in the mirror to face their own fears, failures, or incompetence. By blaming others, circumstances, or the environment around them, they distance themselves from being the cause of the problem.
Another reason for making excuses is procrastination. Emuwa discusses how people who procrastinate will make excuses for why they couldn’t do something when the truth is they just procrastinated. But procrastination is not the real excuse. She reveals that the reason they fail is they are unable to understand the value of time. Putting something off until tomorrow gives you the opportunity to believe there is always time to do something when, in truth, there is not. Realizing time is limited and there is no better time than the present to accomplish something will motivate you to act so you do not have to make excuses later.
Emuwa also discusses how excuses are linked to our emotions. In fact, psychologists believe excuses are part of an emotional regulation mechanism. For example, resentment and guilt might motivate excuse making. Resentment results in feeling one is not being treated fairly. When that emotion grows, the individual may be unmotivated to try to achieve something since they won’t succeed anyway because the situation is unfair. Excuses are also made to reduce feelings of guilt for not doing something. In such cases, excuses comfort the person and lessen the emotional pain they might otherwise feel.
Perhaps the most enlightening discussion in the book relates to stereotypes and how they are connected to excuses. Emuwa shows how stereotypes are actually a way for us to categorize people so we don’t feel overwhelmed by all the differences people exhibit. Creating a stereotype of groups of people is really an excuse for not putting in the effort to get to know individuals. While stereotypes are intended to help us manage the complexities of our relationships with others, thus being a coping mechanism, they end up creating dysfunction, just like other excuses, and in the end, they hurt us by not allowing us to know people for who they truly are.
I admit I am guilty of making excuses myself, but I did not realize until reading The Truth Behind Excuses that I was using them to cover up deeper issues. The book taught me to be compassionate toward myself and to realize that when I want to make an excuse, I instead need to work to resolve the issue beneath the excuse. It also made me realize I should be more patient with others rather than get angry when I know someone is giving me a fake excuse. I can help them save face by accepting the excuse, and in the cases of people I know well, I might even help them realize and work on the issue that generated the excuse.
Ultimately, anyone who reads The Truth Behind Excuses has the opportunity to change and become more responsible and successful by understanding how their excuses are holding them back. That is, unless they choose to make an excuse for why they can’t read the book or can’t change for the better.
For more information about Amara Emuwa and The Truth Behind Excuses, visit Amazon.
— Tyler R. Tichelaar, PhD and award-winning author of Narrow Lives and The Best Place
