January 30, 2025

Nick of Time:
The Reckoning Road
Tom Igou
Nick of Time Farms (2024)
ISBN: 979-8894432717

New Book Details Father’s Journey of Healing Through Travel

Nick of Time: The Reckoning Road by Tom Igou is a nonfiction book about Tom Igou’s effort to come to grips with the suicide of his son, Nick, and the other trauma he has experienced in his life. The book details how Tom partly coped with his grief by traveling around the Southwest in the early months of 2020 with his longtime friend, Jim.

The book opens with Tom and Jim rendezvousing in Austin, Texas, to begin their journey. They visit a bar they have visited many times in the past where the regulars and staff have become like family to them. Tom reflects on what family means and how one can find one’s tribe among similar-minded people and kindred spirits without being related to them.

As Tom details his and Jim’s journey to various tourist spots and places of interest—they are particularly fond of Native American sites and looking for fossils and prehistoric art—he fills us in on his backstory. We come to understand why Tom has adopted friends as family members since his relationship with his parents and other family members has long been strained to the point where he had to cut off contact with them after they responded coldly and poorly to his son’s death.

Tom also recounts the good times when he entered the workforce and discovered how much he loved to travel while he was working in Europe. He details the happiness of his marriage and the early years of his sons, Bill and Nick. He remembers family vacations and shared meaningful moments. He also discusses the ups and downs of life and how the good times did not last.

Trauma has stalked Tom at various points of his life. He has experienced PTSD from much of the trauma he has faced, including the suicide of friends and coworkers, and ultimately, the suicide of his son.

As Tom and Jim meander around the Southwest, Tom shares bits and pieces of his personal story until he gets to the tragic loss of Nick. That experience is too poignant and detailed for me to describe here, so I will leave it up to the reader to read it in Tom’s own words. However, Nick’s death opens up a world of questions, doubts, fears, and experiences for Tom. Eventually, he comes to new understandings about life. The book’s title reflects this understanding and can have multiple meanings. An easy one is that Tom and Jim return home in the “nick of time” before the coronavirus pandemic begins. It also implies that Nick belongs to more than just his family. He belongs to all time and he is present in all time, and sometimes Tom feels his son’s presence on the journey.

One theme of the book is the importance of letting go. This theme is reinforced when Jim, who is Nick’s size, wears Nick’s jacket, only to lose it during the trip. Jim and Tom both grieve the loss of the jacket, but Tom hears Nick telling him to “let it go.” Tom realizes that all of life is largely about learning to let go. He had to let go of the hope of a good relationship with his parents. He had to let go of his son. We all have to let go of many things.

Trauma is not only personal in this book. Jim and Tom spend a lot of time talking about what might be termed “national trauma,” specifically the trauma the US Government inflicted upon the Native Americans. At a less dramatic level, there is a bit of the trauma for them in experiencing the modern world. Jim and Tom at times can’t believe their eyes as they travel through areas overgrown with population, especially in places like Las Vegas.

One of the most surprising revelations Jim and Tom have is that most people are not curious about others. So many people they meet never ask them questions about themselves, even though Tom and Jim are always curious about those they meet. They end up dubbing these people “homo-incurious.” Several times they theorize about how people can be so incurious. They don’t understand the tourists they meet who are more interested in getting good selfies at the Grand Canyon than appreciating nature. Ultimately, they decide modern society is responsible for a lot of it. We’re so used to TV, the radio, and the internet giving us constant information that we don’t have to struggle to find it, and that has reduced our curiosity and our attention span. It’s a scary reality.

Of course, the most powerful section of the book is the description of how Tom found his son Nick after his suicide and then how Tom wishes he had done a better job as a parent. Nick had told Tom he thought he was gay and then later that he was questioning his gender identity. Tom did not react badly, but he felt he could have reacted better. Tom provides advice to parents he wished someone had given him so they can cope with situations where their own children are struggling. Among the statements he makes, with additional commentary on each one, are, “Gender and sexual orientation are not a choice,” and “Accept who your child is and who they want to become no matter what.” He also offers guidance for what to do/say and not do/say when someone loses a child. Quoting Maya Angelou, he advises, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Finally, he shares “Nick’s Code,” a list of things Nick believed, including “Accept all people,” “Do not tolerate intolerance,” and “Be generous to all.”

In the end, Tom realizes he is a shepherd and a warrior. We can take care of others but also stand up for what we believe in. The trip through the Southwest turns out to have been a healing journey for Tom full of realizations and a commitment to let go of the past and keep trying to do better.

We can all use a journey down the Reckoning Road now and then. I hope you take this journey with Tom, especially if you are dealing with past trauma or have a child going through a difficult time whom you want to help. This book will show you that you are not alone, and hopefully, it will bring you some peace of mind, as well as answers, like it did for Tom.

For more information about Tom Igou and Nick of Time, visit www.NickofTimeBook.com.

— Tyler R. Tichelaar, PhD and award-winning author of Narrow Lives and The Best Place