August 18, 2011
If it’s Raining Men, Why Is Your Bucket Empty?
Ronald C. Moore, MSW
Publisher: CreateSpace (2011)
ISBN: 9781461076315
New Book Offers Practical Relationship Advice for Finding Mr. or Ms. Right
In a society where half of all marriages end in divorce, and people often date numerous men or women before finding the one to marry, a lot of people are asking why they can’t find the right person to have a relationship with. Whether you are a man or a woman, you’ve probably been in this situation; fortunately, Ronald Moore has the answers to your questions and the solutions to your dating dilemmas.
Moore begins with a survey of the current state of relationships today. Yes, he talks about things like commitment and family values and old fashioned ideas, but he also shows that human nature hasn’t changed that much over time. He provides several examples from the Bible and from history of failed and dysfunctional relationships, including Henry VIII, who kept getting rid of one wife for the next. Moore says, “Nothing has changed about human nature since Henry VIII’s day; we still make the same mistakes and fail to take ownership of our own behaviors rather than learn. We are often like Henry; instead of changing what is wrong with us, we change mates.”
Moore largely blames the current trend of divorce and failed relationships on the media and its depiction of relationships. We have gone from a time when television promoted happy families in shows like “The Waltons” and “Little House on the Prairie” to where family shows are almost non-existent and Reality TV flourishes by depicting dysfunctional relationships. It’s time to get back to the basics.
It’s also time for us to ask serious questions about ourselves and the people we date rather than wasting time on assumptions about what the other person wants. Moore walks us through the three relationship stages to help readers determine what stage they are in—how close they are to making a commitment and what questions to ask of potential partners to find out whether they are at the same stage, or whether it’s time to move on to find another person to have a relationship with.
It’s important, as Moore explains, to find out upfront who your partner is, rather than to play out the “cloak and dagger” scenario; otherwise, one or both partners in the relationship have unrealistic expectations of where the relationship is going. The following short passage from the book, reflective of Moore’s straightforward, common sense advice throughout, illustrates just what he means by this “cloak and dagger” scenario:
If one person in the relationship is not ready to commit fully, at some point—perhaps a few days into the relationship, perhaps a few years—the relationship will crumble as the uncommitted partner pulls away. Meanwhile, the partner who believed that he or she had found “the real thing” (or something like it) is now left hanging and possibly traumatized by the whole experience. He (or she) is probably not going to understand that the rejection he experienced has nothing to do with him. The stab in the back is simply a continuation of the course the partner was on and which the other partner wasn’t aware existed.
I call this the cloak and dagger scenario: when someone hides who he truly is to get what he wants. For some men, it may be the guy whose only intention is to sleep with a woman and control the relationship’s outcome. For women, it may be the female who wants to marry and have children regardless of her ultimate compatibility with her spouse.
Throughout “If it’s Raining Men, Why Is Your Bucket Empty?” Moore also explores numerous types of relationships, from people who settle, or sit on the fence, to people who are in one-way street relationships, and love-hate relationships. He gives advice on how to move on, how to know when it’s time to break up in a relationship, precautions to take when dating on the Internet, how to assess your and your potential partners’ personalities, and reminders that romantic relationships are not our sole purpose in life, but that we also need friends, and most importantly, we need to value ourselves and pursue our own interests and passions.
Ronald Moore is no stranger to relationships. Having grown up in a single parent home, and later having become a divorced parent, he knows the difficulty of maintaining a stable relationship. As a social worker for over twenty years, he has witnessed many relationship problems, and he has watched how modern views of relationships have influenced people to make the wrong decisions in their own relationships. He is the founder of www.CoExisting101.com, the purpose of which is to create an environment that promotes healthy, long lasting relationships through communication, trust, honesty, and partnership. Through his seminars on relationships, and now through his book, “If it’s Raining Men, Why Is Your Bucket Empty?” Moore offers the tools necessary to build lasting relationships and happiness.
For more information about Ronald Moore and “If it’s Raining Men, Why Is Your Bucket Empty?” visit www.CoExisting101.com.
— Tyler R. Tichelaar, Ph.D., and author of the award-winning “Narrow Lives”
