December 7, 2022
Divorce and Parenting in New Hampshire:
A Mediation Primer
Mary Sargent and Susanna Schweizer
ISBN: 979-8-9872047-0-2 (paperback)
ISBN: 979-8-9872047-1-9 (ebook)
(2022)
New Book Gives Look Into Mediation for Divorce in New Hampshire
No one ever wants to get divorced, but sometimes marriage just doesn’t work out. If the partners in a marriage want to dissolve it and they are willing to make it easier for each other, mediation may be the best avenue to divide assets, resolve other concerns like child custody, and make their separation legal. In their new book Divorce and Parenting in New Hampshire: A Mediation Primer, Mary Sargent and Susanna Schweizer offer an overview of what mediation is, when it should be used, and how the process unfolds. While the book is specific to the laws of New Hampshire and every state will have some differences, most of the advice here applies to mediation for couples throughout the United States, so it is a beneficial book to read before you contact a lawyer so you can determine what is best for you.
Divorce too often is seen as a frightening, contentious, and expensive process. However, as Schweizer and Sargent show, it does not have to be that way. If the severing partners are willing to listen to each other and make shared decisions, the process can go much smoother and mediation will save them time, money, and frustration.
Mediation and this book are perfect for couples in a variety of situations, including whether they have been married for a short or long time, have or do not have children, and possess many or few assets. It can even be used by unmarried parents to formalize agreements and arrangements for the care of their children. As long as the severing partners are willing to work together to make the process easier for everyone involved, mediation can be the best path for them.
Schweizer and Sargent have kept the book brief to prepare the reader for what to expect during mediation without getting lost in complexities that their individual mediator can walk them through relative to their specific situation. One of the big questions the book answers is whether or not to hire an attorney. The authors state, “Parties often presume they cannot afford an attorney. Considering what’s at stake—parenting time, retirement accounts, equity in the marital home, etc.—perhaps the better question is, ‘Can I afford not to use an attorney?’” Just because you and your partner hire attorneys does not mean the situation cannot be resolved fairly or amicably. An attorney can simply help you in making your decisions on various options and proposals and may even attend the mediation with you. The neutral mediator will then guide the parties through conversations that will lead to joint decisions about how they want to proceed to end the marriage and begin their new lives.
Other topics discussed include how to determine the division of assets and what is involved if there is debt and how to divide that fairly. The authors explain the forms that need to be filed such as a Petition for Divorce and a Financial Affidavit. Child support and alimony discussions and needs are also explored. Advice is given on how to find an attorney and how to find a mediator. Finally, what to expect during mediation is outlined. Depending on what needs to be discussed, mediation can usually be accomplished in two to five joint sessions of two to three hours each.
One of the most helpful parts of the book is the list “Seventeen Thoughts for Achieving Resolution Through Mediation.” Just a couple of the items are:
- Eliminate “Always” and “Never.” Statements using these words are rarely true, are offensive, are unproductive, and cause the other party to become defensive. These words also relieve the user of all responsibility. Use “sometimes” instead.
- Embrace the elephant in the room. Avoidance/denial is exhausting and unproductive.
Finally, the authors give advice on when not to use mediation. Mediation does not mean there will be no disputes, which is why having an attorney is a good idea, but hopefully disputes can be resolved. If not, a court hearing may be needed. Still, the idea is that both parties are willing to cooperate to make the process as easy as possible for both of them. The authors state: “Participation in mediation ideally calls for each person to be willing and able to participate in good faith to reach joint resolution and decisions. Folks who are not invested in the process or who cannot move forward from the past are not good candidates for mediation.”
The book concludes with an appendix that provides the texts of New Hampshire Statutes so readers will know exactly what the law says. These statutes include Parental Rights and Responsibilities, Child Support Guidelines, Alimony, and Property Settlement.
Overall, Divorce and Parenting in New Hampshire is a helpful mediation primer that will allow couples to understand the mediation process and decide whether it is right for them. It can then also be used to refresh their understanding of the process as they work through it. Whether you live in New Hampshire or not, it can be a useful tool to prepare you for your own mediation with your partner.
For more information about Divorce and Parenting in New Hampshire: A Mediation Primer and Mary Sargent and Susanna Schweizer, visit www.MediationPartnersNE.com.
— Tyler R. Tichelaar, PhD and award-winning author of The Best Place
