July 5, 2023
12 Grief Solutions:
How to Grow from Unresolved Grief
12 Grief Solutions, LLC (2023)
Stella Rose
Hardcover ISBN: 979-8-9864748-0-9
Paperback ISBN: 979-8-986478-1-6
eBook ISBN: 979-8-986478-2-3
New Book Offers Solutions for Growing Beyond Grief
In 12 Grief Solutions: How to Grow from Unresolved Grief, Stella Rose shares her personal experiences with overcoming grief to live a full life. As a nurse, Rose also collected stories and experiences from numerous patients about their own experiences with grief. Rose knows that if grief is not worked through and a loss is not mourned, it can lead to paralysis, unhappiness, depression, and a failure to live life to its fullest extent. Rose knows this firsthand because she lost her son in a tragic car accident. Even though she was not involved in the accident, she spent nearly twenty years blaming herself and repressing her grief. She has written this book to help others work through their grief so they do not have to suffer as long as she did.
Rose notes that grief comes in many forms. While it is usually associated with the loss of a loved one, it can also come from the loss of a job, a divorce, moving to a new place, or a number of other incidents. In each case, the grief must be mourned fully or the unresolved grief will later spring up when we least expect it and possibly cause us to act out, feel depressed, become immobile, or simply be miserable. It can cause tension in our relationships and interfere with our ability to enjoy and even function in life. Rose describes her own experiences with grief and learning to resolve it as “a journey that has dropped me to my knees in humble surrender with many tears—from tears of anger, regret, and loss to tears of understanding, resolve, and forgiveness.”
Fear is a big part of unresolved grief. Some of the worst losses we experience are those we could have done nothing to stop, such as the unexpected car accident in which Rose lost her son. She states, “What I have come to understand is that our daily lives are unpredictable; though we may plan out our calendars, we never know from day to day what will happen.” That fear can make you paranoid about living, constantly waiting for more bad things to happen. Rose also describes the grief that results from such situations “because the finality of death means there is no chance of fixing it.” Eventually, we have to surrender to the grief or it will never go away. Sometimes we think we have mourned, only to find we have more grief than we expected and we have to work through more of it. But if we do not grieve, the pain will not go away.
There is no timeline for grief and its resolution, but Rose knows self-care practices will help you work through it more effectively so it can be resolved sooner. In 12 Grief Solutions, she devotes a short chapter to each of the twelve ways she has found to help resolve grief. First she discusses behaviors and symptoms you may be exhibiting so you can identify if you have unresolved grief. To begin the healing process, she discusses the need to acknowledge what happened and how we feel about the experience. That requires “setting aside the time and space to think.” You can’t resolve the grief if you don’t work your way through your thoughts surrounding it.
The twelve solutions Rose offers are focused on activities to do during that time you set aside. Some of these tools may seem almost obvious, while others might be surprising or new ideas for readers. In each case, Rose knows from experience that they work. I won’t list them all here, and not every one may be for every reader, but they include items like journaling your thoughts, meditation, and listening to music. Rose has done her research and offers additional resources to help with these steps.
Rose notes that grief affects the mind, body, and spirit. It is not just about feelings but about how those feelings manifest themselves in the body and result in physical symptoms. Sometimes that requires physical solutions from receiving hugs to getting a massage or simply going for a walk. Even listening to music has a physical component since it helps the body to relax, and Rose discusses how listening to different frequencies can affect the body and heal at different levels.
While the journey to resolving grief requires many of the practices Rose describes, it also requires faith. Rose states, “What is faith? It is the power of believing even though you don’t see the answers or have much willpower at this time; it is having the faith that where you are right now, in misery, is not where you will be in a little while and trusting this process to move you through what has happened in your life. You can do this.”
I can speak from personal experience that the solutions Rose advocates work. I have done grief recovery work myself after losing my brother to an untimely and unexpected death. In the process, I learned I had unresolved grief from earlier losses that also manifested themselves with my brother’s death. Consequently, I also had to work through my grief over those losses. I successfully partook in many of the activities Rose describes from journaling to listening to music and various forms of self-care. At times, I thought the grief was resolved, only to have it return, but gradually, day by day it became more bearable and I was able to go on with life.
Rose hopes you will have the same experience. As she states, “You are worthy of living a life that includes bringing joy to your world, to your home, and most importantly, to your soul.” I hope 12 Grief Solutions will help you resolve your grief and know the peace that exists on the other side.
For more information about Stella Rose and 12 Grief Solutions, visit www.12GriefSolutions.com.
— Tyler R. Tichelaar, PhD and award-winning author of Narrow Lives and The Best Place
